Posted on

The Circus Dog That Is the Ring Master of the Galaxies

Dogs of the Galaxies card game

You would expect that Circus Dog is an acrobat, or maybe a clown, or a tightrope walker. Nothing could be further from the truth. Circus Dog is quite the show master; that has to be said. He knows how to please a crowd and entertain them all night long. And depending on Saturn, those nights can be really long.

Circus Dog was born in a family of entertainers. His dad specialized in moon bouncing, while mom would swing trapeziums between planets. Circus Dog has a sister who bikes the Milky Way on a unicycle and two asteroid-juggling brothers. Circus Dog is the baby of the family. For him there was only one path in life: he had to join the circus just like the rest of his family. Circus Dog is not a fan of anything that requires him to be limber, silly or super strong. If it was up to him, he would not be anywhere close to the ring.

Somehow he had to find his way. If he was destined to be a performer, he had to figure out what he liked and where his talent was. After all, there was no way to escape the family trade. So Circus Dog decided to go along.

He practiced with the acro dogs and almost missed the next planet. He bounced moons until he fell on his nose for the dozenth time and since this was all very funny, he tried it again in a clown’s suit.

But Circus Dog was miserable. He announced to his family that he wasn’t in a thousand years stepping foot in a circus again, “Because, ladies and gentlemen, life is too short to waste it.” Circus dog made his announcement with so much panache, finishing off with a flamboyant bow, that his whole family fell silent. He could tell that their silence meant sadness – sadness that he was exiting the ring. That could only mean one thing: they loved his performance. They were sad to see him go. Suddenly, Circus Dog realized what it was that he was meant to do. He could still be part of the Circus, without really playing a part.

Since that memorable day, Circus Dog has been Circus Master. The crowds love him. He feels at home with the circus performers but is happy not to be one of them. While the others practice and fine-tune their acts, Circus Dog gets to sit around and do absolutely nothing. His job as a circus master comes so naturally to him that he can lean back and relax all day long. All he really needs to do is keep his vocal cords in shape. Cocktail anyone?

Is Circus Dog going to jump though a ring on fire or balance a tightrope any time soon? Not a chance.

Posted on

The Unpleasant Orc Dog That Is Mean to the Nth Degree

Dogs of the Galaxies card game

Nobody wants to be friends with Orc Dog. This dog is vicious and mean to every creature in the galaxies. Living life with absolutely no friends does not seem to bother him one bit. Orc Dog is grumpy, unpleasant and he emits the nastiest of odors. When other space animals see him coming around a corner, they run off to avoid his nasty personality and the horrific smell of rotting teeth.

Time and again, a young dog, not yet impressed by Orc Dog’s infamous behavior, has reached out to make acquaintance with the cruel spirited dog. One would expect that Orc Dog would graciously accept the hand shake and go about his way. This is not the case with him. He simply shows his teeth and growls. Who does the young dog think he is? What nerve to breath the same air as he, the fearsome Orc Dog? The young dogs typically learn their lesson and get out of Orc Dog’s way.

But then there is this little chihuapwap. This tiny, guinea pig-like space dog, has decided that he is destined to be Orc Dog’s companion. Nobody knows why he is so set on it, and no one gets what makes this chihuapwap so incredibly brave. After all, more than once has Orc Dog snapped at him, in a fruitless attempt to change the chihuapwap’s mind and chase him away once and for all.

It was only last week that another one of those episodes took place on an out of orbit star. Orc Dog got so pissed off, that he grabbed the chihuapwap by the tail and flung it into space. He did not realize, though, that the tiny dog launched into orbit around a nearby moon, and landed right back on Orc Dog’s back. The dogs around him stared in disbelief. What was the chihuapwap doing there? Did Orc Dog finally make a friend? Was the chihuapwap just as mean as Orc Dog? What was going on?

The chihuapwap was not mean at all, but he certainly could use some help. Help from a strong and maybe even vicious partner. In order not to get run over by other Galaxy Dogs, the chihuapwap figured out that he could hang out with the monster of the Galaxies, Orc Dog, and in return help Orc Dog clean his teeth. But the problem was that Orc Dog didn’t feel that he needed anyone – no friends or buddies.

But Orc Dog didn’t mind clean teeth. The only downside to having one was this: he worried that others may become less afraid of him if he showed sharp teeth that was clean. That would mean he had begun caring; he was getting softer.

Don’t get this wrong – Orc Dog is all but friendly with the creature riding on his back. In reality, he tolerates him for a reason. The little chihuapwap could come in handy if Orc Dog ever decides he wants clean teeth.

And the chihuapwap? He is finally able to finish a meal before it gets stolen from right under his nose; and these days, he can actually take a quiet, uninterrupted nap. As for Orc Dog’s teeth, all the chihuapwap needs to do is order some other dog in the milky way to brush and floss Orc Dog’s teeth. After all, who would dare to say no to the monster duo?

Chihuawap smiles quietly to himself at the idea of other dogs becoming even a little afraid of him solely on account of their seeing him ride on Orc Dog’s back. He likes the thought.

Posted on

The Chivalrous Armored Dog That Rescues Damsels in Distress

Dogs of the Galaxies card game - top card games

Armored Dog is our famous knight in shining armor, and he knows it. Prancing around the galaxies, all eyes are on him as he searches for any damsels in distress. Said lady dogs bat their eye lashes and when he glances in their direction, their soft cheeks turn red. Armored Dog is charming and a real gentleman. He cares about his grooming, looking smart and smooth as he does his rounds.

When he needs to come into action, he couldn’t care less about his looks or his status. When there is the need for him to show what he is worth, he sheds his bells and whistles, sharpens his nails and bares his teeth. Never has he lost a fight, nor will he ever let that happen in the future. Armored Dog takes his destiny extremely seriously and keeps the galaxies safe.

However, we are going to let you in on a little secret. The galaxies are actually already extremely safe. Many females are larger, stronger and more apt to defend themselves and their brood than most male space dogs. They know that when it comes to staying safe, they cannot lean on one Armored Dog to prevent harm and harassment. Female space dogs need to be able to fend for themselves.

They keep Armored Dog unaware of this though. They like him, adore his manners and would never hurt his feelings. So they play along when they feel it’s time to stroke his ego, and take turns in who needs to be rescued from a mean out-of-galaxy villain. Never would they have expected that one day the ladies would truly need Armored Dog’s help.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, when puppies were playing and nobody was particularly interested in the intergalactic cosmic ray streamlining project that had been dragging on for weeks. Some dogs were having ice cream, others were playing ball or taking a nap. No dog noticed the infiltration of a space shuttle with three astronauts from Earth, who had noticed the discrepancy in ray strength. When they got closer to check things out and got sight of the Dogs of the Galaxies, the astronauts thought it was a great idea to bring a space dog back to planet Earth. Little did they know about the population of space dogs and the consequences of kidnapping one. Everything was so peaceful, one dog would surely not be missed. They had obviously never met Armored Dog.

Armored Dog could sense right through the ice cream he was enjoying along with the other dogs that something was off. He dumped his treat and his ears pricked up. Before anyone else in the galaxy understood what was going on, Armored Dog was on the next microwave following the space ship. He saved the captured dog and got her back to their galaxy.

Without even being aware of it, he had proven that there is only one Armored Dog and that you would not want to be without him.

Posted on

The Cyborg Dog Made of Mechanical Body Parts and Gizmo

Dogs of the Galaxies card game - cyborg dog

Cyborg Dog is nothing short of amazing. This techno dog has so much sophisticated machinery in and on his body that he often gets mistaken for a robot. But a robot he certainly is not. Usually it’s the little pups who exclaim out loud “Hey it’s a robot” when they see Cyborg Dog. Then he shrugs his bionic shoulders and smiles at the puppies. He is not that forgiving though when it comes to supposedly mature dogs pointing at him, calling him names. You would expect that by now everyone in the galaxies knows Cyborg Dog. Apparently though, he does not like drawing attention and is pretty quiet.

When last year another ignorant, very hairy hound yelled ROBOT so loudly that everyone could hear her, Cyborg Dog decided to stop this rude behavior once and for all. Cyborg Dog lengthened his legs, towering high above the onlookers. He turned up the volume of his speakers, and took a deep breath (this ordeal took some confidence, you know, and that doesn’t come naturally to this cyberpunk dog).

As soon as he said one word, the entire galaxy started vibrating. Everyone looked up and noticed Cyborg Dog, even from far away. With a steady voice, Cyborg Dog made it clear that he did not appreciate his robot nickname. He was not designed to digest intellectual input from another creature. He was created to stretch the capacity of the dogs of the galaxies by using new technology and modern materials. But he himself is in charge of what he does and when he does it. Let that be clear. He continued announcing: “Those creatures who continue taunting me will sorely regret it. I am done. I will not tolerate being called names anymore.”

The message was clear and ever since that important announcement, the other dogs treat Cyborg Dog with respect. They have even tried to get to know him more, to better understand what Cyborg Dog is and what he can do.

The space animals don’t get a lot of feedback from him though. Cyborg Dog is happy that things are finally peaceful and quiet around him. At this point he smiles when a new litter comes around and he hears mom explain what Cyborg Dog is. It looks like while name calling is no problem anymore, he should spend some time with his fellow dogs explaining what he is and can do. The weirdest, most extreme stories still go around about him – all positive of course, but definitely a little exaggerated.

Cyborg Dog can for example not suddenly grow wings and rescue someone from another planet. Neither can he make himself invisible. But he can run incredibly fast with his adjustable legs, which are made to withstand even the heat of burning flames. But you know how it goes. Even the dogs of the galaxies love to gossip, so who knows how long these spectacular stories will keep going around.

Posted on

Chicken Dog – the Dog With an Identity Crisis Who Had an Immersion Session

Dogs of the Galaxies game - Chicken Dog

Chicken Dog has been dealing with an identity crisis lately. Born in a litter of moon dogs, she has been surrounded by barking creatures her entire life. Playing and napping, some of the main ways pups get through the day, was easy for the dog and she had no problem getting along with her fellow pups. But one day, everything changed. The pups were barking away, waiting for breakfast. Suddenly, a loud clucking sounded out above the barking dogs. What was going on? Did a chicken escape from her coop?

The dogs looked around but they saw nothing unfamiliar. Until one of the pups opened her mouth and another loud clucking emanated through the universe. Everyone looked at the pup that made the sound, unsure how to interpret what they had just heard.

Suddenly, the group busted into laughter – some huge, belly shaking, bubbling giggles. Finger pointing and howling, the dogs could not stop laughing. They had spent their entire short life together and never noticed that one of them was a chicken. Her head looked just like theirs, but that was pretty much it. This is how Chicken Dog got her name.

Chicken Dog could not handle the snorting behind her back. The constant jokes about eggs were getting old. She decided that it was enough. Maybe she was a chicken indeed, so she headed to the chicken coop. Chicken Dog clucked her way in, and tried to balance on the roost. This was an odd feeling. From the corner of the coop, the other chickens peeked at the dog. What was this creature doing here? Yes, she sounded like them, she kind of looked like them but something was weird. Protectively they sat firmly on top of their chicks.

Before long, the chickens started engaging with Chicken Dog, who was precariously balancing on the roost. The chickens nicknamed her Acro Chick, because somehow she managed to do the most interesting flips and flops and still end up on top of the roost. Chicken Dog and the chickens got along fine and became friends. Chicken Dog finally felt appreciated for who she was.

But one problem was spoiling her happiness. This meat eating hen was used to eating moon stones and little space creatures. Now she was served a diet of grains and moon dust. This quickly became a problem, as she had never been a vegetarian, nor did Chicken Dog have teeth for eating grains. The chicken diet was not compatible with her dog teeth and digestive system. Chicken Dog tried adding enzymes collected from Saturn, and special bacteria from Mars but to no avail. She had to make the tough call to leave the coop and get back to dog life.

Now that she is back with the pups, she is feeling healthy again, gobbling her diet of meat and moon stones. But her friends are in the coop, and this is where she truly belongs.

Posted on

Humanoid Dog – the Self-Appointed Keeper of the Peace in the Galaxies

Dogs of the Galaxies card game - Humanoid Dog

Our Humanoid Dog makes sure to keep order in the chaos of the Galaxies. He is the boss, and will make sure that’s loud and clear. No misunderstanding when it comes to who is in charge in, and beyond, the Milky Way. This muscular pumped up giant has everything when it comes to preponderance and authority. He’s got the voice, he’s got the muscles, but he is especially good at mediation and negotiation.

Humanoid Dog spent some time on different planets. Disguised as just another dog, he learned the trade of interplanetary organization. He specialized in dog management, which turns out to be critical in keeping the planets from heading down black holes. Keep the population in check and there’s a bright future on the horizon.

It wasn’t always crystal clear who was in charge in the Galaxies. For many years, dogs did whatever they wanted to do and whenever they felt like it. They were only interested in themselves, often with disastrous consequences for the environment. Packs of dogs of the galaxies clearly needed a leader. When it became clear that the most densely inhabited planet in the solar system was going to be destroyed, Humanoid Dog stepped up and announced that he could not let irresponsible packs of dogs damage space to a point of no return. The story goes that he often chased packs of marauding dogs into an asteroid belt. Only when they agreed to his superiority did Humanoid Dog let them out.

At first he was not appreciated for taking on this role as a leader. Many space dogs were offended, even though they clearly needed help. Humanoid Dog set boundaries, stepped in when there were conflicts and prioritized the health of the universe. Soon, semblance of discipline returned as dogs began to see the sense in his volunteer work.

This is how it has been for as long as everyone can remember. He won’t take no for an answer. He does not have to repeat himself when he asks with a stern voice “who is the boss?” Society goes right back to the peaceful solar system he wants it to be.

If you need Humanoid Dog, you can find him in the gym. Sporting his fancy Speedo, he makes sure to always be in tip top shape. Healthy body, mind and planets are his main philosophy. If you need him to keep order, even when he’s busy lifting weights, just shout and he will be right there, asking any brouhaha originators to “keep it down please”. But when he’s lifting weights, you’d better have a good reason to require his attention, as he takes his physical conditioning seriously.

Apart from chaos generated by Galaxy dogs, Humanoid Dog also gladly interferes when a bunch of space squirrels are squabbling, or when space mice pilfer from puppies, but, luckily, such extra-canine interventions haven’t kept him from his larger mission, although it nearly came to that once.

Last year he almost missed a threatening space cadet invasion when two Gas Cloud birds were quarreling over a nest. Luckily he got on top of the danger just in time, but ever since that event, Humanoid Dog does not play around anymore. He requests respect and immediate response when he’s involved. The dog is well respected in his community, and so far he had been able to keep everything in space in good shape.

Posted on

Unicorn Dog – Organizer of Intergalactic Kite Flying Parties

Dogs of the Galaxies card game to play for 3 or more people

Not every dog in outer space is fast, scary or particularly strong. Some are downright cuddly. Unicorn Dog is one of them. With his fluffy fur and jolly belly, he tends to be everybody’s friend. That is at least how it was supposed to be. Unicorn Dog used to be the dog who made everybody feel better, the one to help his friends see roses and rainbows. He is supposed to be the dog handing out rose-colored glasses and party hats. Things are different now.

What happened?

It started last year, when Unicorn dog was organizing his annual kite flying party. This event brings the whole community together, and even the grumpiest bullies get tamed by the party of kites and butterflies. The point of the feast is to create and fly kites that attract the little colorful insects. Space butterflies are quite large, and they reflect the light of the nearest sun, creating a sky full of little radiant lights. To say it is a happy day would not give it the credit it deserves. After all, it gets many dogs out of their astrological winter dip.

But this year Unicorn Dog was not having it. He was tired, he felt stiff and turned into the grump of the cosmos. What was going on? When he didn’t show up to the weekly ice cream social, something the Unicorn Dog himself had initiated lightyears ago, word went around that something was terribly wrong. The dogs of the galaxies decided on an intervention. This is not how they knew their friend. Unicorn Dog needed help.

Three days later they assembled right by the space station, and just when the last dog walked onto the roof, Unicorn Dog arrived. He was flabbergasted to see his buddies all together. They were waiting for him so they could cheer him up, show him the pretty rainbow overhead and hand him some rose-colored glasses.

Unicorn dog shed thick, bitter tears.

“I have been so tired lately, I feel like I am getting old and fragile”, Unicorn Dog said to his friends.

Unicorn Dog told his buddies how he still cared so much about each and every one of them, but that he just could not do it anymore. He could not be the one pulling the happiness cart. A big sigh vibrated through the dogs of the galaxies. There was something they could do. It was time for the dogs to help their friend and they let him know it.

After that day, many dogs began to help out a lot whenever Unicorn Dog organizes events, although Unicorn Dog is still the one that does the most.

Unicorn Dog is still the one who hands out the rose-colored glasses. He is still the one who checks in with everyone to make sure everything is all right. But he doesn’t do it all on his own anymore.

The dogs of the galaxies have stepped up and help with a lot of the hard work that Unicorn Dog used to do all on his own. They jump through the clouds to connect with butterflies; they manage the weekly socials and bring out the kites. They ask Unicorn Dog if there’s more they can do to help and seeing their genuine willingness to help touches Unicorn Dog’s heart so.

Needless to say that Unicorn Dog has left his grumpy self behind and is a happy, cuddly dog once again.

Posted on

Fire Dog, the Dog with the Burning Ears Afraid of Fire

Dogs of the Galaxies - Fire Dog

Can you imagine what it would feel like to have your ears on fire? The Fire Dog has been on fire ever since he was a pup. No day goes by without the reminder of that awful day, when he was only a few weeks old. He cannot even remember what life was like before disaster struck.

The Fire Dog had just started eating puppy stones, after weaning off milk. But eager as he was to eat what was cooking on the fire, everything went terribly wrong. Probably his inexperience was to blame, or maybe his rumbling tummy caused him to not think clearly. He dipped his head into the pot, smelling the delicious aroma of stewing puppy stones. He took a bite, burned his tongue and suddenly his ears were on fire. He had not realized how his floppy ears had dipped into the flames before his mouth could even reach the food.

Fire Dog panicked and started running in circles, trying to put out the blaze with his tail. Funny enough the burning did not hurt him, but there seemed to be no way to put out the fire. At last he gave up. With flames shooting from his ears, he had to show up for dinner. Everyone thought that he looked quite funny, and giggles made their way through the cloud of smoke that surrounded him.

Ever since the unfortunate event, his flaming ears cause him trouble. He cannot take a bite of food without it tasting burned. Moonstones taste like they have spent the majority of the day in a smoker, and every bite is crisp before it reaches his mouth.

And imagine racing through the galaxy to catch space chipmunks. They make the best playmates for this long-eared friend. The problem is that space chipmunks have the horrible habit of hiding in gas clouds. Kaboom!

To get his ears out of the way, and especially out of his food, Fire Dog has tried all kinds of strategies. Not only did he once tie his ears up on top of his head, at one point he rolled them up like fruit leather rolls. To no avail. To this day he has not been able to find a solution for his long, burning ears.

As you can imagine, Fire Dog is incredibly apprehensive of being around any type of fire ever again. He would rather munch on raw, tasteless moonstones, than take any chances with fire. What part of his body would turn into flames next time? His tail maybe? Or even his belly? Fire Dog is not taking any chances.

Posted on

The Gentle, but Dangerous, Crab Dog – You Don’t Want to Get Pinched

Dogs of the Galaxies game

Crab Dog is scared of mice. Not just a little bit scared, he is terrified.

He would rather run through an exploding super nova star, than be anywhere in the vicinity of a tiny space rodent. Crab Dog is a giant compared to a mouse.

Why is he so afraid? Do cosmic mice give him the heebie jeebies because they are so unpredictable? Is he afraid that one will feast on his paws in the middle of the night?

No, this dog does not believe a mouse will eat him. Quite the opposite. He has a mouse trauma because of how a large, heavy dog with humongous paws and a tiny rodent just do not seem to match.
When Crab Dog had barely outgrown puppyhood, quite large in size yet still incredibly clumsy, he made friends with a little space mouse. The dog admired how this little cosmic animal could fly, and the mouse appreciated how Crab Dog could quickly gather loads of crumbs and seeds, which he then gave to his little friend. It saved the mouse a lot of time and effort, so the two had time to hang out and play together.

One morning disaster struck. The friends had played all night. In the morning when one of the area moons was rising, the giant dog looked around for his buddy in order to give him breakfast. Cosmic mouse was nowhere to be found. Eventually Crab Dog gave up and nestled back into his shell, hiding away from flying space dust. Then he felt a tiny lump under his left leg. He had almost trampled the little mouse with one of his large, strong paws. Mouse did survive this whole adventure, but Crab Dog was scarred for life. He had hurt his little friend. What a disaster it would have been if Mouse was mistakenly killed.

This large, gentle dog, with the tiniest of hearts shed many tears. So many tears that it caused rain storms in most of the solar systems in the region. He realized that he needed to make friends with his own kind, play with the big dogs whom he could not easily trample.

Now Crab Dog does everything he can to prevent mice from getting close to him. His bed may be comfy, also for cosmic mice, but now there is a tiny rodent-deterring fence around it, and several signs that indicate that it is not a mouse friendly place.

The friendly giant gets a little lonely and sad, but at least he cannot hurt his friends. He still uses his pinchers to pick up seeds and crumbs, but then he piles up the food and disappears. From a safe distance he watches as cosmic micro mice have a party and fill their bellies.

To be honest, it’s not that Crab Dog is all-peaceful every time. Sometimes he gets into a fight and uses his pincers to good effect. They are pretty strong and can cut through anything. You don’t want to have him pinch you. But the one thing you can say about him is that he fights troublemakers his own size. Sometimes he is even the troublemaker himself.

Posted on

The Rambunctious Owl Dog and His Brother Whoooowla Who Collide into Planets

Dogs of the Galaxies games for kids, teens, adults

Owl Dog is on a first name basis with his family doctor. He needs help every day, ranging from a band aid to a splint and crutches. Owl Dog is a playful, and most often, prankish dog. Because his pranks are often so edgy and borderline dangerous, Owl Dog sometimes unintentionally hurts others, which makes many view him as a vicious dog.

Owl Dog needs roughhousing more than he needs food and shelter. It’s a good thing that his brother Whoooowlah is just the same, because other space dogs stay at a safe distance from both of them. Together the brothers turn and tumble through space, not only hurting themselves but damaging everything that’s in their way. They once ran into a planet, colliding with it head on. It’s safe to say that the inhabitants of that planet were not happy about that.

The same day they ran into a planet, it wasn’t long before they were at it again. But this time, a litter of space puppies got in their way.

The mom dog of those puppies knew all too well about Owl Dog and Whoooowla. In fact, she had sensed they were playing not too far from her little, cone-head-shaped puppies, so she decided to hang around to make sure none of that rough and tumble broke her babies’ bones.

She came out just in time to see the rambunctious brothers drift too dangerously close to her puppies who were practicing howling at the moon. Owl Dog and Whoooowla were only a fraction of a light-year blink away from colliding with the unsuspecting puppies.

In one fell swoop, mom dog got her brood out of the flying dogs’ way. Luckily, nobody got hurt, but mom dog was hopping mad and that in itself wasn’t a safe thing, as most space creatures hid when mom dog was angry. Mom dog’s anger was usually scarier than an erupting space volcano.

Mom dog bared her teeth, raised both eyebrows and leaped into the space void, grabbing Owl Dog by his massive ears, which made Owl Dog yelp in pain and come to an instant halt, losing sight of his Whoooowla. The ruckus caused by mom dog’s intervention could be heard three galaxies away.

With the large female dog standing over him, Owl Dog was suddenly not so tough and dangerous anymore. In fact, he looked a little humble now. Soon, his Whoooowla appeared by his side again and they both told mom dog they didn’t mean her puppies any harm. All they just wanted was to play.

Mom dog wasn’t having it. She wasn’t going to let them get away with it. She told them that the only way she’d let them off was if they did a good deed, like babysitting her pups for an entire day, making sure none of them got in trouble.

Sure! Exclaimed Owl Dog and Whoooowlah in unison. That seemed easy enough. They were already transmitting each other telepathic messages thinking how fun it would be playing with young puppies.

Owl Dog and Whoooowla tried to teach the puppies to fly, but their bodies were so out of proportion that flying just didn’t seem an option for the little ones. This was probably a good thing, otherwise there would for sure have been a trip to the emergency room.

Owl Dog used his acrobatic qualities to entertain the pups though, and they had a blast. Honestly, this show had half the galaxy watching and cringing. Luckily there was not too much damage. Sometimes when Owl Dog really got at it, entire solar systems could be knocked off course. And although the puppies were quite large, definitely bigger than Owl Dog and Whoooowla, the brothers managed to keep the pups in line the whole day. Soon it was end of the measured time and mom dog let them go, but only after extracting promises from them that they’d be of good behavior going forward.

However, Owl Dog and his Whoooowla didn’t stay on their best behavior for long. After all, there was fun to be had and fights to be fought. It won’t be long before they show up somewhere with a sprained wing or a bloody nose.

It helps to be on first name basis with the family doctor.